Dating Handicapping Tip #7: Contenders vs. Pretenders

This should be an easy tip, but it trips up many in the search for love. You think you found a good mate, only to find out they were pretending, or outright lying in some cases. In a world where there are some master pretenders, how is it for an honest person to find a true contender?


1. Don’t turn a blind eye to red flags. Many in the search for love we look the other way or ignore warning signs – little white lies, can’t keep stories straight and not consistent with behavior. We make excuses and rationalize behavior. In love, there should be absolutely no rationalism. If we have to second guess someone’s intentions, we do not have love. We have a pretender.

2. If a person is too good to be true, they probably are. There is no perfect person. There is no perfect love. If someone is rolling out the red carpet with every step you take, blanket you in compliments and if they go out of their way to always do the “right” thing. They are a pretender.

3. Reflect a perfect appearance. This is a big lure for men and women. We are attracted to attractive people. We all want someone who looks good and takes care of themselves. But honestly, if someone spends too much time trying to adhere to a perfect appearance, most likely there is something imperfect on the inside. A confident and honest person does not need to have a perfect façade.

Why are people pretenders? Mostly it is insecurity and self-esteem. Many feel they cannot find love if they do not act and look perfect. Others pretend to achieve something other than love – status, security and even notoriety, anything but love. Pretending is not loving.

In the search for true love you need to bet on the contenders. Contenders may not be shiny and immaculately groomed. They may get off to a slow start and at times may get lost in the crowd. But they have the heart of a champion that can weather the most challenging of races.